The beautiful poetry of this song can probably be interpreted in different ways. I don’t read about the songs’ lyrics before writing these pieces, so this is my take and there’s a lot I’m still not sure about. What I do know is that it’s the song’s bridge that cuts through everything else.
Let’s start with the title. Musically, the ¾ time signature qualifies as a waltz and lyrically, the song’s narrative begins with someone who has perhaps “waltzed” in and out of the protagonist’s life. They’re at an open mic night, or perhaps karaoke, and a man and a woman battle out it through performances of The Everly Brothers’ “Cathy’s Clown” and “You’re No Good,” recorded most successfully by Linda Rondstadt. The guy is her husband, but he’s less consequential. She, on the other hand, has a hold on our protagonist:
I'm never gonna know you now
But I'm gonna love you anyhow
Is this woman, who “stares into space like a dead china doll,” the protagonist’s former lover? A friend? The mom who signs her letters “XO?” I’m not sure. But I do know that the narrator is struggling with her - and with himself. Because when we get to the bridge, his heart, pain and exhaustion are all laid out for us to see:
I'm here today
and expected to stay
On and on and on
I'm tired
I'm tired
I have no place assuming anything about the tragic end to Smith’s life. A song’s protagonist and composer are not one and the same. But in the case of this song’s bridge, it’s tough not to listen to it now without knowing what we ultimately learned about Elliott Smith. Each writer has their own unique relationship with the distance between themselves and their characters. This song feels like there’s hardly any distance at all. It’s raw and it’s sad. And it’s beautiful. "XO" to anyone out there suffering. Even if you don’t know me, I’m always available to talk.
-MJK